Out and About
I have been a terrible blogger as of late. I have been very busy at work and have barely had a moment to compose myself let alone a post. But the other day Bud said something to me that has been bothering me ever since.
Bud is on a bit of a bridge playing kick of late (and no he is not a seventy-year old man – but he is, as he puts it, the pretty player), and his bridge partner mentioned that he never likes to go out to clubs with this boyfriend, he prefers to do that with friends. And Bud, quite matter of factly as if it were a given, agreed with him.
I have been pretty depressed over this since. And part of this has to do with the fact that we don’t really go out clubbing any longer. For me, I just haven’t had a big desire to do it anymore, but now I know for Bud, part of it is that he doesn’t have a desire to do it with me. And I must admit that I am a bit hurt over this.
We used to go out and have a great time, but what I am taking from his comment is that it wouldn’t be a great time any longer. He mentioned that he prefers to stay in, go to dinner, movies and stuff like that with me - its just the clubbing aspect that he agreed with his friend. And I appreciate that part of the “bar thing” is the single life. But I nonetheless can’t help but feel slighted in this regard.
Its so easy for the slightest little comment no matter how apparantly innocuous to one person can be painful for the other.
posted by Rye at 9:10 a.m.
4 Comments:
So long as he is faithful, let him go out with his friends. Let him dance and drink and have a great time. Trust is a big part of any relationship. It will bring you guys closer. There is no reason to feel hurt if you are not intersted in going and he is but with his friends. Couples need time apart too.
Sue's right, however, it's hard to comment because we don't know exactly what Bud said. Maybe he was just agreeing with the guy in an understanding/appeasing kinda way, but not necessarily meaning he doesn't want to go out clubbing with you. Why don't you feel you can discuss it with Bud? Why don't you suggest a night out together at a club?
"To Speak Is a Sin" (Pet Shop Boys)
"We've been around forever
Look at us now together
Ordering drinks at the bar
Saying hello to menfriends
Smiling across a friend's friends
Ordering drinks at the bar
To speak is a sin
You look first, then stare
And once in a while
A smile, if you dare"
Not the answer to your problem, but I've always liked the way it distills the essence of clubbing.
Hey don't be too down about it. Sue is spot on. I did this to my other half 5 years into the realtionship (we went to bars rather and clubs) and I told him I could see he was not having fun and it was a pressure for me to look after him when I just want to have some fun, dance, chat to friends... Eventually he got used to it and is relieved.. he has that time to do the stuff he wants. Yes of course sometimes he want to go to bars..its a case of compromise and you guys will have to work it out.
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