Prayers
Got some terrible news on Friday night that has been clouding over me ever since. My older brother’s partner, who had dealt with breast cancer a few years ago, has just found out that it has spread to her spine, lungs and femur. This metastasizing of her breast cancer is definitely not good news. She got breast cancer when she was 30 the first time, and when you get it so young, it will often spread. But I had been hopeful.
Of course, I didn’t want to ask my brother what her chances were but when I looked on the net today, the five year survival rate is between 16% and 20%. Those are not the greatest odds around. And I am heartbroken for my brother. He and his girlfriend were high school sweethearts who got back together about four years ago and are an amazing couple together. In all, they have known each other for more than half of their lives. And she has a son from a previous relationship who, as a teenager, can’t be in a great place now. When you’re a teenager, you’re old enough to understand the reality but not old enough to have the tools to grasp the means to deal with it.
This is not the first time that breast cancer has been I my life. My last long term relationship to someone before my husband dealt with this. His father had breast cancer that eventually killed him. Yes, men can get it too. And for Bud, who I often believe loves Kylie Minogue more than me (I can deal with that!), has been talking about her condition frequently. And of course there is Bud's mother who is fighting cancer right now but who refuses to ever talk about it with Bud at all.
And this is one of those times when I feel the geographical distance from my family. I can’t just swing by and make sure my brother is alright. I can’t offer any real assistance from 3000km away. I know that I would still feel helpless if I were there, but at least I wouldn’t feel so useless to do anything.
I don’t know how my brother is going to get through this. He is easily the most intelligence person I have ever met – absolutely brilliant. But that level of intelligence doesn’t prepare you for dealing with these types of things. Both he and I are very similar in that our emotions don’t linger near the surface (a trait of our father’s) but they are tumultuous (a trait of our mother’s) nonetheless. I know that he will try to be strong, but there will be cracks. I just wish I could be there for him.
And God, to whom I have been indifferent, and of whom I am doubtful exists, for my brother and his girlfriend and also for Bud and his mother, I pray that you will spare them and let each of them get through this with as little pain as possible.
Of course, I didn’t want to ask my brother what her chances were but when I looked on the net today, the five year survival rate is between 16% and 20%. Those are not the greatest odds around. And I am heartbroken for my brother. He and his girlfriend were high school sweethearts who got back together about four years ago and are an amazing couple together. In all, they have known each other for more than half of their lives. And she has a son from a previous relationship who, as a teenager, can’t be in a great place now. When you’re a teenager, you’re old enough to understand the reality but not old enough to have the tools to grasp the means to deal with it.
This is not the first time that breast cancer has been I my life. My last long term relationship to someone before my husband dealt with this. His father had breast cancer that eventually killed him. Yes, men can get it too. And for Bud, who I often believe loves Kylie Minogue more than me (I can deal with that!), has been talking about her condition frequently. And of course there is Bud's mother who is fighting cancer right now but who refuses to ever talk about it with Bud at all.
And this is one of those times when I feel the geographical distance from my family. I can’t just swing by and make sure my brother is alright. I can’t offer any real assistance from 3000km away. I know that I would still feel helpless if I were there, but at least I wouldn’t feel so useless to do anything.
I don’t know how my brother is going to get through this. He is easily the most intelligence person I have ever met – absolutely brilliant. But that level of intelligence doesn’t prepare you for dealing with these types of things. Both he and I are very similar in that our emotions don’t linger near the surface (a trait of our father’s) but they are tumultuous (a trait of our mother’s) nonetheless. I know that he will try to be strong, but there will be cracks. I just wish I could be there for him.
And God, to whom I have been indifferent, and of whom I am doubtful exists, for my brother and his girlfriend and also for Bud and his mother, I pray that you will spare them and let each of them get through this with as little pain as possible.
posted by Rye at 5:47 p.m.
3 Comments:
Hi Rye.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Rye just be there for Bud and your brother when they need to talk. Know that there are your readers who wish you and them well.!!!
so sorry to hear this rye. My mom has battled cancer twice now and I know the sheer fear it causes to not only the victim but the family around them. I am sending my positive thoughts your way and wishing your brother and his wife the best.
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