The Cracks
Another weekend gone by and another joyful week of work all set to begin. God how I wish I were a trust fund baby.
On Friday afternoon I went by to visit one of my colleagues to see what he was up to on the weekend. Mike and I get together every now and then with Bud and his boyfriend Rick. I have known Mike for about four years and for the majority of that time he was single. It was always a running joke that he was the Asian welcoming committee of Montreal, but this past summer while he was in Calgary on business he met this guy Rick. Rick ended up moving her and since he is in computers, it wasn’t difficult to get a job.
But when he moved here, Rick moved in with Mike. Yes this may seem a bit crazy to move in with someone so soon after meeting them, but Bud and I pretty much did the same thing. So it can work. But on Friday, Mike was telling me that he and Rick were having problems. Part of it centered around the fact that Rick did not have any friends of his own here. And this led to the fact that Mike could never really be off on his own at all.
Now I feel mostly for Rick in this situation. Montreal is a very difficult place to meet people and even harder to meet people if you’re not looking for sex. The language barrier can be exceeding difficult. Even if you meet someone that speaks English (and there are plenty of people here, especially gay ones for some reason) who do not, the barrier still exists in things like humour. Humour is an incredibly difficult thing to learn in a new language, but is an essential element, in my opinion, in making friends.
And of course, once you are out of school, it can be even more difficult. So I understood where Rick was coming from, but I also understood that space is not a dirty word.
And of course, living with someone can be terrible at times. Some things that I put an importance on, Bud thinks are banal, and vice versa. So it is a constant ballet of compromise and change. And its not always an easy thing to do. But you learn not to sweat the small stuff and you learn to pick your battles – well that is if you want to stay together.
And Mike and Rick apparently didn’t have that drive. On Sunday morning, Bud and I took the dogs out for a walk at about 8 (obviously we had a wild and crazy Saturday night!) and we ran into Mike on the street on his way home from a night dancing away. And he was without Rick. I asked where he was, since I must admit that I was oblivious to the fact that things had gotten so bad, and the news was given.
And for the next several blocks, not a mention of this enormous event was made. We talked about everything else except the most significant thing. And why, you may ask? Hell if I know. Why do I sometimes drive on in conversations over the most painful things to people and at others retreat into safe zones of idiotic small-talk?
On Friday afternoon I went by to visit one of my colleagues to see what he was up to on the weekend. Mike and I get together every now and then with Bud and his boyfriend Rick. I have known Mike for about four years and for the majority of that time he was single. It was always a running joke that he was the Asian welcoming committee of Montreal, but this past summer while he was in Calgary on business he met this guy Rick. Rick ended up moving her and since he is in computers, it wasn’t difficult to get a job.
But when he moved here, Rick moved in with Mike. Yes this may seem a bit crazy to move in with someone so soon after meeting them, but Bud and I pretty much did the same thing. So it can work. But on Friday, Mike was telling me that he and Rick were having problems. Part of it centered around the fact that Rick did not have any friends of his own here. And this led to the fact that Mike could never really be off on his own at all.
Now I feel mostly for Rick in this situation. Montreal is a very difficult place to meet people and even harder to meet people if you’re not looking for sex. The language barrier can be exceeding difficult. Even if you meet someone that speaks English (and there are plenty of people here, especially gay ones for some reason) who do not, the barrier still exists in things like humour. Humour is an incredibly difficult thing to learn in a new language, but is an essential element, in my opinion, in making friends.
And of course, once you are out of school, it can be even more difficult. So I understood where Rick was coming from, but I also understood that space is not a dirty word.
And of course, living with someone can be terrible at times. Some things that I put an importance on, Bud thinks are banal, and vice versa. So it is a constant ballet of compromise and change. And its not always an easy thing to do. But you learn not to sweat the small stuff and you learn to pick your battles – well that is if you want to stay together.
And Mike and Rick apparently didn’t have that drive. On Sunday morning, Bud and I took the dogs out for a walk at about 8 (obviously we had a wild and crazy Saturday night!) and we ran into Mike on the street on his way home from a night dancing away. And he was without Rick. I asked where he was, since I must admit that I was oblivious to the fact that things had gotten so bad, and the news was given.
And for the next several blocks, not a mention of this enormous event was made. We talked about everything else except the most significant thing. And why, you may ask? Hell if I know. Why do I sometimes drive on in conversations over the most painful things to people and at others retreat into safe zones of idiotic small-talk?
posted by Rye at 9:35 a.m.
1 Comments:
It took my ex and myself three years to move into a place together. Knowing each other that long, we still had to learn to compromise with each other quirks.
Post a Comment
<< Home