Deluded

Well I must admit that over the past few days I have been in a great mood. Part of it has to do with changing offices and getting a great secretary, but the main influence over my state of mind has to be my return to the gym.

I was a total gym bunny for a number of years spending hours upon hours sculpting my body. But with marriage came laziness and I have totally let myself go. Now, I am not a hideous person in need of the Biggest Loser (although I wouldn’t mind Bob the trainer bending over me yelling encouragement), but I have definitely lost a focus of my “hotness”.

And over the past few months, I have been back at the gym, but sparingly. Since I work long hours, the only way to ensure that I am actually going to the gym is to go in the morning. Bud doesn’t want me to shower at the gym (it is a total beat and he is especially distasteful of gym shower cruising), so I have to go in the mornings at about 6. Many a day had gone by where I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. But this week, there I have been everyday. Weights are on Mon-Wed-Fri and at least 30 minutes of cardio each day of the work week. I’ve got about 20 pounds (around 10 kilos) that I want to lose to get back to my most cut weight.

Now I have never been a big muscle man, just a nice athletic build. Being 6’2”, I have always had a problem packing on the pounds, although after turning 30 packing on the fat hasn’t been quite as hard. What I had forgotten though in all my laziness was just how invigorating a morning workout can be. I am flying on that runner’s high where I think I can do no wrong.

Thinking you can do no wrong is just the reason that I am drawn to American Idol and at the same time repulsed by parents/friends of today. I love the trainwreck of watching totally deluded people think that they have the greatest singing voices in the world, are the most fabulous thing to hit the world to date only waiting to be discovered, and only to cringe at the sounds coming out of their mouths. And I do find it hilarious.

But what is disturbing is when these people’s delusions have been reinforced by their families and friends. When I sing I think that I am totally on key, but thankfully I have been told that it completely not the case (and so when I sing, I sing alone!). But you see these poor souls who have been told repeatedly that they are amazing when they are not. What the hell is going on? Have we hit a point in our culture at the moment where we are so afraid of hurting feelings and so focused on pumping esteem that honesty has fled the building? “I’m OK – You’re OK” transformed into “I’m the best thing to ever happen to the planet – You’re the most amazing [insert description here] I’ve ever seen”.

Come on people, what good does this do. All of this encouragement and complimentary positioning only leads to a devaluing of praise. If you get a trophy for showing up to a race, what’s the point in trying to win. The brass ring works as an incentive, but also as a means to define one’s self. I am horrified when people on this show say they have spent years in voice lessons only to have a wretched tone froth out of their face. What a monumental waste of time and energy.

Now I understand the value of realizing that sometimes in order to achieve greatness, practice and dedication are necessary. But it is a grand lie to tell someone that if they want to they can achieve anything that they put their minds to. That’s bullshit. Do I think that I will ever have the body of the guy at the top? Hell no.

The defeat of realism and pragmatism (however well intentioned) can only lead for the vast majority of people to disappointment and resignation. If you honestly believe that you can achieve anything you want, what happens when you can’t get that most desired elusive dream.

Sometimes you need a Simon to tell you, “That was just absolutely terrible.”