Bye Bye Bye

I have been reticent in writing my blog lately for a number of reasons; well two actually, but they are related. The first is that I don’t exactly lead a life of excitement. I read a number of blogs that are written by people with lives that are going at lightspeed with episode after episode of either a tawdry experience or an insightful recognition of the base value inherent in certain encounters. I, on the other hand, exist at present in a all too common trap of routine.

The second reason is that with such a void of thrilling tales to relate, the fact that other people can read these rambling gives me pause. Is this self-censorship or just and acknowledgement of the fact that none of this is all that interesting.

But, what the fuck! I started this for myself as a way of looking back – a permanent cyberspacic (Made-up-Word Alert) diary for me to look back on when I want to find out how I ended up where and whenever I end up there. This is all a journey and the true meaning of a tale can often be found not in the points of greatest conflict but in the casual glance in a languid afternoon.

And so…

I’ve been a little annoyed with myself lately over a mini-snub of an old friend of mine. A high school girlfriend of mine who I haven’t seen in nearly a decade lives in Calgary. She recently got married (I was invited too) and we had planned on hooking up when I was in Calgary over the new year.



But I never called.

And I didn’t forget.

I just sort of decided that I didn’t feel like it. And then I made up some sad story for her that I had problems with my Blackberry and couldn’t reach her as I didn’t know her married name. Complete bullshit.

And I am not sure if there is anything beyond pure laziness that made me skip out. I had one of those email surveys from a friend recently that I couldn’t fill out because one of the questions asked who my oldest friend was. I think that my oldest friend, that I speak to on a semi-regular basis, I met in around 1993 or so in my third year of university.

I drop some due to geography or due to a waning interest. And others drop me. The most recent disposal that I had was with a guy that I have known in Montreal for a few years. But the disposal came from his boyfriend. A number of months ago I was over at their place for a crazy boozy night. The next day I saw them as I had left my wallet there and all seemed well.

Over the next few weeks no calls were returned. Now this was not too strange as I was always the instigator. I called them to do things, never the other way around. For some reason, I blocked my caller id on the next call and they answer. Mike, the bf, answered and I joking asked if they were avoiding me.



“Well ya,” he replied. I was taken aback and asked why.

“You know why.” I didn’t. “Bill and I have talked about it, and we’re over you.” Those words hurt. We’re over you. The bf wouldn’t explain was happened and I never found out. Bill, who was my friend, not the bf, never called to explain or say a word. I had left their home on the last occasion and I hadn’t thought that there was anything wrong.

Could I have done something to offend them in my drunken state? Hell yes. I can accomplish offense drunk or sober. But I was pissed. Hey, if someone drops you, they drop you. There is no fighting it. I’ve been on the other side often enough to know that reality. But after knowing someone for a number of years, if there is some “defining moment” I thought that I at least deserved an explanation. But none was forthcoming and none has come since then.

And I haven’t seen either of them since. I have played out that meeting in my mind and of course it will differ depending on whether it is Bill, the bf or both. No, that’s not true. I’ll play it with complete apathy either way although I am still not sure if I will even act like I know them. But it still smarts.